Change Is a Bitch!
by BlueyedHybrid
Summary: Kagome was sure she had lost it all, and no longer had a reason to remain. A single answer from him could change everything.


p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"Her soul was heavy. Weighed down with so much of life's struggles and consequences, and not just her own. It was a curse, just as he always said it would be — and damn him for being right! She cared too much, and now her very being quacked in desperation for relief. After all the hurt, the pain, and the betrayal she still hadn't learned her lesson. Maybe it was just who she was, and in a way she was okay with that. On the other hand, it was times like these when she wished she could be aloof and cold, like him. Times when she didn't love with her whole being, didn't fight for others as hard as she did, but then would she be herself? …or someone else? Even now, as the rain poured and soaked her hair and clothing, the storm could not wash away her despair./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""He was right…." she whispered to herself, her eyes closed and no longer tried to stop the tears. No one would notice anyway, the salty liquid of her body mingled with nature's own and they couldn't be distinguished apart. Her soul mourned, her heart ached, and her mind screamed within its cage./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Onna." She heard his voice and didn't bother to jump, she knew he was there but no longer cared if she appeared weak. Nothing mattered anymore, not since they were gone./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Go away." she whispered./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""You blame yourself." He stated. He knew she knew he had been there, but he couldn't figure out why she was acting like this. Well, he could, but it wasn't her normal behavior. When she was silent, he narrowed his eyes and walked to stand in-front of her. "Look at me."/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"She didn't comply, she couldn't right now. Her eyes were always her give away, no matter how good of a liar she was, or how she hid her aura, her eyes would always tell the truth. He could read her better than anyone else in the world, even her…family. The thought of her family sent a jolt of pain throughout her body, and her mind shut-down even more. He knew. He could feel her fading and it affected him more than he wanted to admit, even to himself./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Onna, you didn't do it." He insisted./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""I might as well have. I didn't seal the well, I didn't protect them, and now they're gone." Her voice was hollow, a sound he had never heard and never wished to again. It wasn't her. His eyes narrowed even further and he nearly pulled her to her feet to shake her, but he didn't./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Will this help?" he challenged harshly./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""No." she whispered, she hadn't looked at him the whole time and it was wearing at his patience./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Look at me Onna."/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""No."/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Look at me!" he growled and she didn't budge. She didn't fear him, and he didn't want her to, but damn it he wanted to see the spark in her eyes. The spark that would tell him she was still in there, that he hadn't lost her completely./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Kagome…." he rarely said her name, but he hoped it would get through to /"Take them…." she whispered, and finally he heard something other than the hollowness in her voice, but he didn't like this span id="jnGWJ" class="intexthighlight" style="max-height: 999999px; list-style: none; float: none; animation: fadein 0.9s ease 0s 1 normal none running; line-height: normal; outline: none !important; cursor: pointer !important; position: relative !important; font-size: inherit !important; vertical-align: inherit !important; display: inline !important; margin: 0px !important; border-top: none !important; border-right: none !important; border-left: none !important; border-image: initial !important; border-bottom: 1px solid !important; padding: 0px 0px 0.065em !important; text-decoration-line: underline !important; border-radius: 0% !important; overflow: visible !important;"change/span either./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""What?" he glared./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Them, my memories, my past…erase them, please." He was silent for a moment, having to process her meaning. And then, he was furious./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""The hell I will!" he growled. "What about Yusuke, the idiot, Kurama, or Yukina? What about m…what about Genkai?" he nearly slipped, but he caught himself. He wouldn't go there unless he had to, and he wasn't ready for that confession yet. However, she finally opened her blue eyes and looking into his crimson orbs, and the look there chilled his fiery blood. Kagome wasn't in there, not right now. What sat before him was a vessel full of so much pain and despair he almost lost himself. He didn't have to use the jagan to see her thoughts. She wanted it to end; she wanted to forget./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""You were right Hiei, I am weak. My emotions have caused harm, and now I can't handle the consequences. Please, spare me of this…spare me of this weakness." She begged in a voice that didn't sound like her. "My family is gone." She whispered brokenly again./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Your biological one is, but what of the others?" he asked trying to calm his anger. He knew himself enough to know his anger was masking his own problem, her words hurt him. He hated to admit that much, but her denial that his group was family to her hurt. They had been with her for over a year, laughed (just not him) with her, fought alongside her, ate meals with her and her family, and helped train her into a formidable miko. Now, she was saying they were not family./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""You know what I mean Hiei! Do you really enjoy seeing me like this? Do you revel in standing there and not saying 'I told you so, you idiotic woman!'" Finally, she was yelling. He was getting her to move past the zombie state and into rage. This he could work with./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Do I know what you mean, woman? The others would probably be upset if they heard you just now." He would use her emotions against her, it was the only way to make her pull herself out of this./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""You should! And they aren't here right now! Just wipe my mind and be done with me already, or kill me, anything but stand there and relish in your victory." She yelled and actually stood up to meet his gaze./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""I did not kill them."/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""No I did!" she screamed and then turned to slam her fist into the tree behind the bench. The pain was a relief, something to take her mind off the pain of her soul. "I did, I wasn't there and my stupidity killed them." Her voice lowered as she spoke, she was fading again. Hiei refused to lose the progress he'd made./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""What good will erasing everything do?" he asked./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""I just want this to end, I just want to forget." She held her hand absentmindedly, and Hiei could see the blood starting to fall to the ground. "Without me around, you and the others can move on with your lives."/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""You think it's that simple?" he walked forward and used his sash to wrap her hand, another rare occurrence of Hiei offering aid without getting something in return./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""It will be." She looked away but didn't pull away from him. His hands were calloused and sword-worn, but surprisingly gentle as he wrapped her hand. She fought the sensation of his proximity, and completely missed the way he looked at her the whole time. Hiei was known for being an asshole, someone who hated humans and anything to do with them. But what people didn't know, and he kept secret, was that the woman in-front of him was his weakness. She had been ever since he met her. Though he didn't realize it until just a few months before. He hadn't told anyone, not even Kurama, because he knew the hell he would catch. Kagome was an exception to all the prejudice he held for her kind./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Doubtful." He replied. She tried to pull away once he was done, but he wouldn't allow it./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Let me go."/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""No."/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Hiei…."/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Kagome…." at the sound of her name she looked up at him and realized how close he was. She tried to ignore it, his warmth, his nearness, his scent, his aura, everything that was Hiei she attempted to not focus on. She was failing./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Please Hiei, don't torture me like this." She didn't mean for it to have a double-meaning, and she honestly doubted he would catch it, but she was wrong again./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""I won't erase your memories, don't ask me again." He said with a finality to his tone that even Kagome knew she wouldn't be getting around. Which left her completely defeated and out of energy./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Then leave me here." She said and again tried to pull back./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""What are you going to do?"/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""I don't know."/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Then no." he said. And before she could register his movements he had her scooped up and they were jumping through the trees towards town./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Where are you taking me Hiei?" she knew better than to squirm while he was moving so fast, but she didn't appreciate being treated like a rag-doll./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Hush onna."/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""That's it! Put me down! Put me down and leave me alone! I'm span id="Wqfaf" class="intexthighlight" style="max-height: 999999px; list-style: none; float: none; animation: fadein 0.9s ease 0s 1 normal none running; line-height: normal; outline: none !important; cursor: pointer !important; position: relative !important; font-size: inherit !important; vertical-align: inherit !important; display: inline !important; margin: 0px !important; border-top: none !important; border-right: none !important; border-left: none !important; border-image: initial !important; border-bottom: 1px solid !important; padding: 0px 0px 0.065em !important; text-decoration-line: underline !important; border-radius: 0% !important; overflow: visible !important;"sick/span of you doing this, confusing me completely with your double-sided words! You and your false acts of concern only to turn and cut me with your scathing insult!" she was pushing against him enough to get the message through to him, without risking being dropped or falling. Granted, he could just simply drop her but she felt that he wouldn't. However, Hiei did indeed stop in a small clearing on the edge of Genkai's property. He didn't drop her, but he did let her know he wasn't happy with having his ear yelled off by narrowing his eyes at her once she stood./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Double-sided?" he nearly growled at the implications, although he knew the term had some merit. He had hidden a lot from her, and because of his lack of willingness to admit his feelings he had allowed her some closeness only to withdraw. She was right in that regard, but there were things she was wrong about./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"Kagome stepped back away from the demon that was barely taller than herself, she could tell he was upset. He was upset and she didn't know why really, surely her words hadn't affected him. They never had before. "Yes, I can't figure out if you consider me a friend or hate me altogether!" Her breathing was harsh and her mind didn't know how to handle all the emotions running through her. She was close to just breaking down and being done with it all./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Onna, you need to get inside…"/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""No more games Hiei! Am I a burden to you?" she leaned back against a tree and suddenly felt like her entire being, her choice of whether to stay or not, hung on what his answer would be. She looked up into his eyes, they were the usual annoyed crimson but she waited…hoping he would understand that she needed to know one way or the other of where she stood./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"He was silent for a while, warring with himself over what he needed to say or do. Her eyes had him imprisoned, and he did understand what she was asking of him. He could lie, but then she would be gone. He could confess, but then he would be admitting to a weakness and giving her power over him./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Yes." He said, and instantly he saw the final crack in her strength. "You are a burden…."/p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""I see." She breathed and looked down. She had lost it all, even the last small spark of hope that she had a place of belonging. Without looking up, she stood shakily and began to walk away. Though, before she could take more than five steps, she suddenly found her back against a tree again. This time however, Hiei was pressed against her and her arms were locked against her sides. "What…." but her words were cut off. She was in shock; his lips were so warm. Warm and demanding, her mouth was left open by her attempt to speak and he ravished it. Kagome hadn't even realized she had moaned until the sound filled her ears and was met by a deep rumble from his chest. When he finally pulled back, though slightly, she was breathless and even more confused than she was when he found her./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""You are a burden. Just not how you think." He said while staring directly into her eyes, his breath washing over her still wet lips and brought a shiver through her body. She couldn't speak, and she was afraid to try. His gaze was heated, and not in anger or annoyance./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Hiei?" her voice trembled./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Don't walk away from me like that again, Kagome." he was always a man of few words, but she heard the undertone of his message. Tears threatened to pour from her eyes again, this time in relief. Relief because now she knew her place, and she wasn't alone./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""I won't." with a slight tip of her head, she boldly kissed him again almost thinking he would change his mind. But she felt his body push against her harder, and her breath was once again taken from her lungs as the passion she always knew he possessed consumed her./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Why? Why did it take my greatest loss to find out where I stood with you?" she asked while leaning her head against his chest, he hadn't let her go and she didn't want him to either./p  
p style="max-height: 999999px; font-family: Verdana, Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;""Woman…you should know that change it a span id="MLdmH" class="intexthighlight" style="max-height: 999999px; list-style: none; float: none; animation: fadein 0.9s ease 0s 1 normal none running; line-height: normal; outline: none !important; cursor: pointer !important; position: relative !important; font-size: inherit !important; vertical-align: inherit !important; display: inline !important; margin: 0px !important; border-top: none !important; border-right: none !important; border-left: none !important; border-image: initial !important; border-bottom: 1px solid !important; padding: 0px 0px 0.065em !important; text-decoration-line: underline !important; border-radius: 0% !important; overflow: visible !important;"bitch/span."/p 


End file.
